Talk Tracks for Managing Your Peers
Stepping into your first leadership role is exciting... until it isn’t.
One minute, you’re riding high as the go-to top performer on your team. The next, you’re in a new role with a shiny new title — Sales Manager — and all of a sudden you now have to lead the friends you used to talk smack with over drinks after work.
No one tells you how to handle the moment you are removed from the private Players Only chat.
Or how to give tough feedback to your former peers.
Why It's So Awkward
When you move from individual contributor to sales manager, you bring a ton of valuable experience with you. But you also bring baggage — the baggage of being seen as a peer and friend. Your former teammates still see you as one of them, not as the person responsible for driving their performance.
Here’s what that leads to:
Blurred relationship lines. You go from swapping sales tips and tricks to delivering performance feedback.
Complicated dynamics. You want to stay friends, but now you have to hold them accountable.
Imposter syndrome. You’re asking yourself, Why would they listen to me? I’m no more qualified than them.
That inner tension makes managing your former peers one of the hardest parts of becoming a new leader.
Whatever You Do, Don't Avoid It
If you don’t intentionally address the discomfort of the transition from peer to leader, it can wreak havoc on your confidence and the team.
Here’s what happens when you avoid it:
You overcompensate and become too authoritative, alienating others.
You go the other way and become too friendly, avoiding hard conversations (Me. This was me.)
Your team’s performance suffers because accountability is lacking (also me as a new leader).
And the kicker? You’ll be left feeling like you’re failing at both leadership and friendships.
3 Ways to Navigate Managing Former Peers
So, how do you successfully navigate this tricky transition? Start by calling out the proverbial elephant in the room and take that opportunity to reset expectations. Here’s how:
1️⃣ Reset Expectations (Early and Clearly). Don’t assume your team knows what to expect from you in this new role. Set up a team meeting to call out the shift and clarify your expectations — both for yourself and for them.
Say something like: “I know this transition feels different for all of us. I’m still me, but my role has changed, and I want to support you in new ways. I’m here to help you hit your goals and grow — and that includes holding us all accountable to what we say we’ll do.”
2️⃣ Redefine Relationships. You don’t need to throw your friendships out the window. But you do need to adapt them with your new role because the reality is, things won't be exactly the same as they were before. And that's okay! Change is inevitable, so you might as well embrace it.
Make time to connect with your former peers one-on-one and let them know you care about their success, even if the relationship looks different now.
Try this: “I value our friendship, and want you to know that because my title and role have changed, that might mean our relationship will shift a bit, which is okay. It might also mean having different kinds of conversations than we’ve had in the past. I'm the same me, but I want to reiterate that my top priority is to show you my commitment to your success and the success of this team."
Setting this expectation up front with the individuals and broader group will be extremely helpful down the road for both of you when you have to step in and do "manager things" - like holding them accountable to forecasting on time, updating CRM, and delivering constructive (or negative) feedback.
3️⃣ Step Into Authority (Even When It Feels Uncomfortable). You were given this role for a reason. The company saw something in you that made them believe you could lead.
Embrace that. Own it.
Will it feel awkward at first? Absolutely. But being a leader isn’t about being perfect — it’s about showing up consistently, making tough calls, and supporting your team through both wins and losses.
Final Thoughts
Transitioning from individual contributor to sales manager is a tough shift. The dynamics change, the expectations change, and your identity within the team changes.
But if you acknowledge the awkwardness, reset expectations, and step into your authority, you’ll make it through that messy middle. And on the other side? You’ll become the type of leader your team wants to follow — not just because they have to, but because they respect you.
